High and Lows

There are days when the birds are singing the sun is shining and everything is wonderful…. and then there are days when the world is dark, no matter how bright the sun. In years past it had been really bad, where the lows were nearly unbearable but the euphoria of the highs was so amazing and I didn’t want to give those up. It might have been the weather – or possibly the situation of where I was at at the time – but the highs and lows have mellowed out some, though I still experience little hills and vales on occasion. I think this is why I have never felt the need to experiment with drugs or drink alcohol – my brain chemistry is so effed up that if I added anything to the mix it would have been a disaster – I really don’t need to see beneath the veil with any more clarity.  Knowing what I know of nature – both human and otherwise-, I’m afraid of what I’d see; reality is just a civilized veneer over the chaos that reigns.